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we long. - alex abell

a semi-automatic with no bayonette
tries to remember but soon he forgets
faking a movement by standing so still
hoping that noone sees his mistakes
each step forward reversed in the past
he listens to ludwig and grieg,
the present unopened and it's going to last.
something has lasted, alive
he longs.

ridrigo, and pedro, and dismemberment plan
all the while he's his own biggest fan
only a man, he's an atomic dog
a libidonous, poisonous growling machine
he longs.

an angel from heaven with tri-colored wings
and for what it's worth he was there all the time
through the good ticks and bad tocks
that once upon, seemed so unkind
he longs.

backstage, in the corner, the curtain behind
and all he wants is to feel
like he felt that aquarius night
the days full of light
the tension was tight
and all the while it wasn't quite right
in all his plight
he lost the girl
he lost the gun
he lost thefeeling
or the knife
or the sweet embrace of night

is it so much to want a bird that sings only for you?
or a magic trick that only you know how to perform
a slight of hand or a song divine
that is all your own
hallelujah for life is long
but memories are the magic
that is wicked and vile
because all the while
we long.

Favorite Films of 2008

The List:

Wall-E
The Dark Knight
Vicky Christina Barcelona
Iron Man
Tropic Thunder
Pineapple Express
Teeth
Burn After Reading
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Wall-E

Unlike other Pixar films, I went into this one knowing next to nothing about the characters or storyline. I was absolutely floored. The film reminded me of Kubrick's '2001' and Chaplin's 'City Lights' and 'Modern Time' with Wall-E as the cute Chaplinesque robot on a mission of self-discovery and love. How often can a film, much less an animated film, mesh romantic silent film with sci-fi, consumerist satire, and post-apocalyptic dark comedy all in one? 'Wall-E' is one of the greatest animated films ever made.

The Dark Knight
What can I say. Heath Ledger's performance is scary good, literally. It alone elevates 'The Dark Knight' above all other Batman movies. The film is disturbing not only for Ledger's portrayal (in light of his untimely death); it also explores the concept of what a society should accept in trading freedom for 'security'. I'll leave it at that without ruining the plot. If you ignore the allegorical angle, it still is the best action blockbuster of the year.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Sure, if you know me you know that I love Woody Allen movies. Yes, I would have ranked this just as highly without Penelope and ScarJo's sexy makeout scene. Barcelona and Oviedo provide a beautiful cinematic backdrop for this dark romantic drama, which offers a commentary on the wealthy and the romantic plight of artists. It's better than 'Match Point' and is probably Woody Allen's best film since 'Crimes and Misdemeanors'. Javier Badem cleans up nicely as the estranged artist. Penelope Cruz turns in an Oscar-worthy performance as the neurotic ex-wife of the artist. Rebecca Hall does a fine job as the sensible fiancee and ScarJo isn't bad either as the open-minded romantic free spirit that reminds me of every ex-girlfriend i've ever had.

Iron Man
One of the best comic book-to-film adaptations I've seen. This film balances humor and action in appropriate measures, thanks in part to Robert Downey Jr.'s nuanced, versatile, and comical portrayal. Jeff Bridges and Gwyneth Paltrow also give commendable performances.

Tropic Thunder
Like Zoolander meets Apocalypse Now, 'Tropic Thunder' is a biting satire on Hollywood and war movies. Robert Downey Jr. steals the show, but Ben Stiller and surprisingly, Tom Cruise, are also hilarious.

Pineapple Express

This is a hilariously over-the-top mix of stoner comedy, cheesy action, and police chase drama.

Teeth
Gentlemen, check your man bits after watching this film. No, it's not about the African disappearing penis myth. It's about vagina dentata. Basically, it makes 'The Crying Game' seem not so bad. Jess Weixler is terrific as Dawn, as she suffers horny creeps one after another in this campy thriller-comedy.

Burn After Reading
An interesting but uneven screwball comedy about greed, vanity, and the CIA. If that sounds pretty random, that's because it is. The film struggled to find an appropriate tone, juxtaposing funny and serious elements haphazardly. Thankfully, the all-star cast of Pitt, McDormand, Clooney, Swinton, and Malkovich isn't completely wasted. However, in the end, the viewer is left with an inconsequential, so what?

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Yes, folks, more sex jokes. It's another Apatow film! Jason Segel plays the charmingly pathetic Peter; Mila Kunis and Kristen Bell are solid in their respective roles.


Films I have yet to see: Australia; Che; The Class; Crossing; The Curious Case of Benjamin Button; Doubt; Everlasting Moments; Flight of the Red Balloon; Frozen River; Gran Torino; Rachel Getting Married; The Reader; Revolutionary Road; Synecdoche, New York; Waltz With Bashir; The Wrestler

Interesting Conversation on Religion

So this is a convo i had on religion with a friend earlier, the beginning of the chat was cut off by facebook chat but some of the stuff here seemed relevant.

12:00am Alex
so if you don't believe, you perish, your mortal soul destroyed forever and ceased to exist
and if you do then you get to live eternally free from strife.
but it's a lot easier to scare people into believing by threatening them with eternal punishment and damnation
and those people that say they believe because they are scared of hell, have false motives and this cynical god would rather have people that believed because of the awesome complexity of the genius universe that i created

12:03am Friend
ok, if you were this cynical god, what would happen to people that didnt ever believe... and the new testament god never tries the scare tactics, he always talks about heaven, its not his fault Satan left his side as an angel and forces people to hell
wow, talking about religion sometimes makes me sould like a total nut, i know

12:04am Alex
noooo no it doesn't
i believe that you have it right with the last statement
satan fell as an angel and was forced on earth with men

12:05am Friend
god gave up having everyone go to heaven because he though free will was more important
thought*
and i agree with him

12:05am Alex
he tempts them and teaches them not to believe.. so that they may share his fate, and if revelation is right, they will be erased from existence while those that believe get to live forever happily

12:06am Friend
Satan doesnt want to be alone down there
see, you have more of an understanding than i do
but i think you just arent sure if all this mumbo jumbo is true
which is where faith comes in

12:09am Alex
i agree.. and faith is the hardest part. but i believe that i do have faith. i just don't have a whole lot of faith in mankind as a whole. i also have trouble with the age of innocence and similar issues

12:09am Friend
you mean if a child should go to heaven?

12:10am Friend
there are so many unknowns....
but if we knew everything that would just lesson Gods power
Im sure everything will make perfect sence in the end
Ive struggled alot with faith
at one point i really did consider myself atheist

12:12am Alex
wow.. well i just have never really been able to think of it in that way

12:12am Friend
and that was hard for me to admit( being raised in a christian home)

12:12am Alex
i have however considered it in a forever expanding universe manner
like we have a god and he created us and our universe and everything
and he exists in a universe that was created by a god and etc etc into infinity

12:13am Friend
so you mean, there aremany gods?

12:14am Alex
not quite

12:15am Friend
well, WE have one God, who had one God, who has one God...

12:15am Alex
well not at least in our universe

12:20am Alex
we have only one and all the knowledge that we have and everything around us was created by him and we are not even capable of imagining anything beyound him...

12:16am Alex
but he.... in his universe that is so much greater than ours is struggling to figure out what created him
and he has his own thoughts and concerns about it but no way of knowing for sure but through faith

12:22am Friend
hmmmm... thats an interesting idea...I dont think that is outside of christina thought either...
christian*

12:22am Alex
yeah nor do i
if you think about it

12:22am Friend
b/c the bible is to show us what we need to know

12:22am Alex
and this comes across as sounding ultra-dumb
i mean possibly sounding ultra-dumb

12:22am Friend
but if god doesnt know something about his creation, why would he put it in the bible

12:23am Alex
why would or why wouldnt?

12:23am Friend
no, why would he put it in the bible... he wouldnt, and that is why we just assume that he just existed forever

12:24am Alex
oooh yeah totally

12:24am Friend
when, your theory could be true

12:24am Alex
but also i think that if you look at pc games such as the sims
we create their worlds
and we are their one and only creator

12:24am Friend
I LOVE SIMS

12:25am Alex
we shape what they do and they respond to stimuli that we create
i think that's why i like the movie tron so much

12:25am Friend
so where does it end Alex? and Tron? never heard of it
youll have to bring it when you visit

12:26am Alex
its a disney movie that has a lot of allusion to religion
i dont think it ever has to end
i can't comprehend infinity fully but it exists

12:26am Friend
how do you know it exists

12:27am Alex
oh i don't.. but i have faith that it does

12:27am Friend
i think somewhere something happened to make humanity
lol

12:28am Alex
:D

12:29am Friend
Sometimes my atheist beliefs intertwine with my Christian beliefs... which can get me confused.. but hey, im human

12:29am Alex
true true!

12:29am Friend
like i totally believe in evolution.... which screws the whole creation thing

12:30am Alex
i think the most important aspect of religion is often the part that is avoided

12:30am Friend
what part is avoided... like who created God?

12:30am Alex
noooo
the fact that it has some pretty darn good ideas about how to live life in a manner that benefits all of mankind and not just one's self
and a lot of church-goers that i've seen do not live by the very code that they believe will give them eternal salvation
and is the ultimate truth
they use it when necessary and sometimes even use it to cast judgment on others, when it clearly says not to

12:34am Alex
and im not speaking of everyone
but a good number of people

12:34am Friend
Yeah, Its hard to evangelize because so many of the people i go to church with are the biggest hypocrites Ive seen, but then again, so am I
most people are so turned off my religion for the very reason you talk about
when the bible is all about forgiveness and non judgment and helping the poor

12:35am Alex
oh i know.. it's like if i told someone that i had this great method of cooking stew and they watch me make it after i tell them all about it and its nothing at all what i described
and then i tell them to go do it

12:36am Friend
lol, the funny thing is, I tell people to follow the bible, yet i go out and do some pretty anti-biblical things.. Im on e of them

12:37am Alex
its cool though! i mean.. life's strange and who can explain why we do what we do




Soo anway, that was the conversation, I'd like to hear anyone's thoughts because I have a lot of friends who are Christian, some Hindu, Mormon, Atheist, Deist, Agnostic... etc

I'd like to hear your views, too if you'd care to share.

Production

they'll hug you and slip a knife in your spine
they'll bring you way down when you're feeling fine
questioning motives, questioning change
lack of love, totally deranged
close doors shut to keep the lies in
comin' in late. where YOU been?

too many lies

praise the lord until their lips fall off
and their hands can't clap no more
but listen mama, and papa listen too
the lord ain't green
no that's something else
no the lord ain't green
he hates that stuff

too much sin

jump at the chance to get a quick fix
be it money or medicine gotta get that fix
there's some things that money just can't fix
medicine, narcotic, poison,
only difference is the dosage

whats that in ur nose

calling on debtors
when you owe all you own
which isn't very much
go sit on your throne
play games of cards
scream fits of rage
money hasn't brought happiness
why don't you stop chasing it

gotta lotta greed

all that jazz

i don't see what the big deal is
if you'd call it a deal at all
with life and love and all that jazz
we learn to stand, but fall.

the ego of an infant child
is what's inside my head
for children cry, with want for food
and pretty soon are fed

you're all i've ever wanted
but you died, or so it seems
but how could you have lived or died?
i made you in my dreams
created from delusion
inspired by songs divine
plagued with much confusion
of why she can't be mine.

love is an endless battle
erratic retaliation of sorts
you give as good as you get
because when attacked, it hurts
but don't you think that perhaps
if only one was left on earth
no other soul to love or hate
we'd at last have peace

but i feel we've strayed a bit
we're talking about the deal
if you'd call it a deal at all
with life and love and all that jazz
we learn to stand, but fall.





so i want to start a new genre of music... and call it the greys

it's like the blues but more blah.

maybe i should call it the blahs.. thats what i feel like all my songs and poems are. grey.

Mental masturbation

the act of engaging in intelligent and interesting conversation purely for the enjoyment of your own greatness and individuality. Subjects range from obscure lp's to cultural movements in preindustrial societies. Either delivered through grand monlogues or subtle conversation orientation, it links large words and random references resulting in nothing acually being communicated.
Though the influence of Ric Okasisk was quite evident within Weezer's blue album, rivers coumo domination of the lyrical form seem quite evident in Pinkerton

from UrbanDictionary.com

Memories (if anyone still has one)

Leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember! Don't send a message, leave a comment on here. Next, re-post this in your notes and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty cool (and funny) to see the responses. Repost as "memories."

ignorance

they say ignorance is bliss
why do we seek knowledge
only to be let down
why don't i suffer endlessly
on the pursuit of that which is so brazenly beautiful
that unknowledge that is so difficult to reattain

i think that ultimately i do
looking for answers only to one day realize that
no answer will ever be good enough
no song will ever be loud enough
a kiss will never quite be so sweet
as the innocent child i once was and long to be again

rocks, marble, granite, higher education
these are all hard things
and me?
well i'm just hard to please
won't you be hard too, please?

it's like, when i look at another person's art
i am so infinitely jealous of the thoughts racing through their mind
that nothing i ever do or say will be good enough.
when people tell me that i'm funny
well i don't think its funny.

why is everyone so wrapped up in themselves
about what they want and need
the most powerful force in the world
is the centrifuge of egotism that surrounds us all
why be insecure? its not like anyone else can stop thinking about themselves
long enough to notice anything that you could be insecure about.
but there i go, getting stuck in my mind and imagining it into the minds of others.

i look to my past for answers, realizing that
the answers are what lies ahead
i look ahead and can never seem to be far enough into the future
to grasp these answers that i seek

so i turn around again, and this twisting game that i play
makes me forget about the importance of the present
someone told me the present is a gift
modern physics has yet to be able to explain
what we normally understand by "now".
there is no demonstrable reason why time
should move in any one particular direction.
so where do the answers lie?

oh they lie all right, the lies that we want to believe are
far superior to the elusive truths that are so blatantly obvious

so, my friends, in seeking to emblazen the world with compassion
to pound the fists of change into an antiquated system,

do so selflessly, or not at all.

ignorance is bliss, but what's bliss?

what's what?

Recent Reading

Yes, I'm not sure if you were aware of it, but I am capable of reading. And not just magazines and bathroom stalls, i'm talking full blown novels, folks.

I just finished "Never Let Me Go" by Kazuo Ishiguro. At first glance it seems like just another book with a hackneyed theme. Basically the book follows the lives of students at a special institution who later find out that they are clones and their organs are to be harvested until they reach "completion".

The way that Ishiguro writes, his focus on extreme subtlety and detail, makes it genuinely hard to put down this book. There is deception, love, humor, and enlightenment. The story takes place in an alternate reality, very similar to the writing style of Jack Womack. We are given a beautiful story that takes place in a Britain that has made significant medical advances since WWII and cancer and other debilitating diseases are a thing of the past, but at what cost?

Don't let the sci-fi theme turn you away, this book could thrill anyone from the hardcore harry potter fan, to the mildly-obsessed twilight reader.

the science of sleep

last night i found a lover undercover in my sheets

i didn't get out of bed for weeks



romeo's got nothing on me